10 Truths of the National Center for Biblical
Parenting • • •
1. Parents have
the God-given responsibility to take charge of the home.
In a society where making kids feel good
is a high priority, many parents have lost the mission for
their family. Although we all want our children to feel good
and enjoy life, they also need training. Parents today need
to feel empowered to lead in the home, teach their kids, set
limits, and guide their children to be the responsible, healthy
adults society needs. Parents set the rules and guidelines
and must continually follow through. Children may not like
the rules but that's okay because the job of parenting is really
an issue of stewardship between the parent and God. At times
your kids may not like the way you're disciplining them or
your mother or neighbor may give you all kinds of advice. Listening
to others may provide insight and wisdom but the ultimate responsibility
for deciding how to handle a particular problem is yours. (Deuteronomy
2. Children are
a gift from the Lord and must be treated with honor.
Each child is a unique treasure, a bundle of
God-given ability, talent, and character. Good parenting takes
a child's special qualities into account and trains that child
according to his or her uniqueness. Even when we must do the
difficult work of correction or setting limits that our child
doesn't understand, we try to do it in a way that values the
child in the process. (Psalm 127:3-5)
3. Sin corrupts
As much as we wish it weren't so, sinful behavior
has a way of creeping into relationships. Parents as well as
children develop unhelpful patterns or reveal selfishness that
must be addressed. Parenting has a sanctifying effect on all
family members, even revealing sin in our own lives that we never
knew existed. Children need correction, instruction, and training
to address the selfish tendencies that will otherwise hinder
their success in life, and we, as parents need to continually
and humbly seek God for forgiveness as well. (Romans 3:23, James
4. All family members
must take personal responsibility for their own actions.
People tend to justify, blame, or rationalize
weaknesses. Looking at the mistakes of others often distracts
individuals from their own part of the problem. All family members
need to develop the humility to acknowledge their own mistakes,
take responsibility for them and avoid manipulative techniques.
(1 John 1:9)
5. Anger is good
for identifying problems but not good for solving them.
Anger is a God-given emotion to reveal that something
is wrong. Unfortunately, many people take anger further and use
it to solve problems. That's when others get hurt, relationships
develop tension, and larger problems of bitterness and resentment
grow. The solution is to use anger to point out the problem and
then move into different routines to solve it. To do this, parents
need more tools and resources to broaden their choices of response.
(Ephesians 4:26-27, James 1:19-20)
6. It's not good enough to be right, you also
have to be wise.
Many parents are right in life but lack the wisdom
needed to make helpful change in their children. In fact, most
people can see when something is wrong, but few know how to bring
about change in helpful ways. A wise parent will listen to advice,
evaluate options, and ask the question, "What strategy might
get the best result in this situation?" Wisdom often comes from
others. Becoming involved in on-going parent support group can
give parents added insight and direction. (Proverbs 15:22, 16:16,
7. Children need character training.
God is interested in the heart not just behavior.
Unfortunately, many parenting strategies on the market today
focus on getting the right actions down. Parents who only use
behavior modification techniques inadvertently teach their children
to look good on the outside, leaving the heart virtually untouched.
Effective parenting strategies require a deeper look. Long lasting
solutions come when children develop the character they need
to be successful in life. (1 Samuel 16:7, Hebrews 12:11)
8. Good communication is essential.
Communication involves words, actions, voice
quality, and a host of other non-verbal cues. Parents need to
learn effective ways to communicate in family life and teach
children to do the same. Children also need to learn what their
cues are saying. Both parents and children must learn to listen
and understand as part of the communication process. The whole
area of communication in family life often determines the strength
of the relationships between members. (Proverbs 25:11, James
9. God gives wisdom and power to those
who ask for it.
True healing in family life starts with salvation.
The Holy Spirit changes people from the inside out and God offers
wisdom to face life's challenges. Parents need the power and
wisdom of God and must learn to rely on him in the midst of parenting
struggles. (Galatians 5:22-23, John 3:3, James 1:5)
10. Parenting is a walk of faith.
Parenting is a partnership between us and God.
We are not ultimately in control of the decisions our children
make. Although we will continue to do our job as parents, we
must also learn to let go of the part that isn't ours. God is
ultimately in control and responsible for the discipline of our
children. Understanding God's role in our lives relieves us from
compromising for fear of rejection and allows us to remain obedient
to God in our parenting role even in the face of abuse from our
children. We have a job to do and with God's grace we will do
it. (Proverbs 3:5-6, Psalm 20:7, John 14:1)