Parenting Teens • • • •

Help to Meet the Challenges of Parenting Teenagers

For some people the teen years have a rather dismal reputation for wreaking havoc on the family. But that doesn’t have to be the case. Careful work and adjustments can help young people accomplish the God-given process of developing independence while at the same time learning to relate successfully to other adults, including their parents.

One of the challenges is that parents must make a significant parenting shift. No longer can they treat their teens as if they were 10 or 11 years old. As teenagers, these young people need different strategies and approaches. Parents must develop many skills and tools to handle these shifts, but with some work, they can successfully navigate the waters of directing a teenage toward adulthood.

Several principles will help you to work with your teens. Learning how to communicate with them is essential. That can be tough when all they give you is grunts or “I don’t know” to your inquiries about their day. Understanding the five levels of communication can help you know how to more effectively dialogue with your kids. Chapter 8 of the Parenting is Heart Work book outlines these levels and Chapter 6 gives you ways to emotionally connect with your teens. Connecting may not be as easy as it once was. Teens are often gone from home a large portion of the day, and the time home may be consumed with instructions and corrections. However, emotionally connecting is essential for a strong and healthy relationship with parents. Training Manual and CD #8 will give you some ideas.

Understanding the heart is very important when working with teenagers, so you’ll likely want to read this book if you haven’t already, and read it again if you already read it. You might also want to listen to the Parenting is Heart Work CD Series, a set of eight CDs focused on helping you learn to relate to your child using a heart-based approach.

Knowing what consequences to use with teens can be puzzling. The workbook and CD entitled A Toolbox of Consequences provides you with several categories of consequences you’ll want to understand as you work with your teens. Not only will you have more ideas, but you’ll also know how best to use them. Many parents remove privileges or ground their teens but don’t know how to maximize those strategies. In this workbook you’ll learn how.

Honor is an essential ingredient for teens to learn and practice. With disrespect so prevalent among young people, honor helps them relate in a more productive way to the family members, friends, coaches, employers, and teachers. Some training in this area will go a long way. Chapter 8 in the book Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes, in You and Your Kids applies the concept of honor to teens. You’ll learn five ways to relate to teens and a tool called the Teenage Challenge to focus on particular heart qualities your teenager needs. The chapter also shows you how to link privilege and responsibility together to help your teen move on toward maturity.

As you continue to work on spiritual development in your teen you’ll likely want to look at the Family Time Activities book Tried and True. This book uses activities to interest your young person in spiritual truths. Spiritual training goes a long way to keep the lines of communication open, and to help form the values that your young person needs.

If you’d like some additional help, we would suggest that you sign up for free email parenting tips, join the online support group for parents of teens, attend a live parenting seminar, or set up a phone coaching session with Dr. Scott Turansky to help you with a specific action plan for your family.

It will also be helpful for you to begin now to plan for the future. Consider reading the article on Launching Adult Children. This will give you some ideas about where you’re headed. It may be possible to implement a few of those ideas now, or at least begin talking about them so your teenager is also thinking rightly about what comes next and how to successfully move into adulthood.
The teenage years are a time of preparation. Enjoy your teen now, but also keep in mind that in a few years that teen will be an adult. Lots can be done now to equip your teenager for that transition.

As you work through the teen years you’ll want to come back and visit us regularly. We want to support and encourage you during these important years.