Children Who Can’t Accept No as an Answer

Parents have to say no to kids for a variety of reasons. Sometimes those reasons have to do with health and safety issues for the child. Other times the reasons have to do with finances and time on the part of the parent. Whatever the reason, children often don’t understand. When kids can’t accept no as an answer they may react with temper tantrums, bad attitudes, and other distressing responses. In particular, many children use demanding tactics such as arguing, whining, or badgering to get what they want.

One of the best ways for parents to address these challenges is to move from the “issue” to the “process.” Instead of continuing to talk about the issue, (the problem we’re trying to resolve) the parent can move to the process (the way the child is talking and acting). If you move from the issue to the process then you’re no longer talking about the dirty shirt or the movie. Now you’re talking about the way you’re treating me.

When children are demanding and won’t accept no as an answer they often value the thing they want more than the people that they perceive to be in their way. It’s not the persistence that’s bad. It’s the demandingness that’s hurtful.

To help children address this important area of being able to accept no as an answer you’ll want to help your child develop a plan for dealing with anger. You’ll also likely want to read the book Good and Angry, Exchanging Frustration for Character in You and Your Kids. That book gives you specific strategies for dealing with all kinds of manipulation children use when they can’t accept no as an answer. We also have a Training Manual and CD focusing specifically on this problem, Teaching Children to Accept No as an Answer. That workbook and CD can be purchased separately or as part of the 8-lesson kit entitled, Heart Work Training Manuals and CDs. The Treasure Hunters Children’s Curriculum, session #6 also helps you teach the value of accepting not as an answer. Using Bible stories, crafts, and other activities it helps children understand the value of developing contentment.